Strangers I Have Known

~ A blog by Melissa Kotler Schwartz

Strangers I Have Known

Monthly Archives: April 2013

Betting on Strangers

30 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Melissa Kotler Schwartz in Blog Posts

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Tags

Antiques, Casinos, eBay, Gambler, Lipstick, Louisville, melissakotlerschwartz, Perfumery, Stranger, strangers, strangersihaveknown

I’m not a gambler. Well, maybe I am. I don’t hang out at casinos, but I do bid against strangers on eBay. And I do take risks—that the antiques I fall in love with are really what some person as close as Louisville or as far away as the Netherlands says that they are.

So far, I’ve only been swindled once, when I bid on a vintage purse that arrived with a funky smell. It was supposed to be from a smoke-free home, but it not only reeked of smoke, but also intensely sweet perfume that made me gag and some sort of pungent chemical that the seller clearly had used to try to hide the other odors.

Unfortunately for the seller, I have a nose that should have been used for detective work, winemaking or perfumery. I inherited my keen olfactory sensitivity from my mother and I’m proud of it. Plus, it helped me get my money back for this misrepresented item—the resolution center at eBay took care of that.

I did learn a lesson from that noxious gamble. Buying someone else’s purse is too intimate a purchase to make without smelling it first. It’s a strange thing to own a stranger’s purse, to have daily interaction with her even though she’s not there. Every time you take your lipstick out, you are reminded of what can never really belong to you.

http://vintagelovingal.wordpress.com/2012/12/06/handbags-from-sears-and-roebuck-1954/

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Intro to Proxemics

23 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Melissa Kotler Schwartz in Blog Posts

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American culture, Arm's Distance, Car, Esther Kim, Eye Contact, Individualism, Irritate You, melissakotlerschwartz, Parking Lot, Proxemics, Sleep, Stalls, strangers, strangersihaveknown, Yale University

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Ever wondered why a person parked right next to you when the whole parking lot is empty, and now you can barely open you car door? Ever gone to the movie theater and had someone sit a few seats away from you when most of the theater is empty? Ever had someone take that bathroom stall right next to yours when there’s a long row of other stalls she could have picked?

What do these people want? Are they trying to connect with you or irritate you? Don’t they know that one of the rules in American culture is to keep an arm’s distance away from a stranger?

What do these behaviors mean? Am I interpreting some of these people as rude, when really they just represent our individualistic society? And when does that individualism step over boundaries? Americans aren’t going to give up their personal space easily. Our country was founded on conquering the wild frontier.

For example, on a bus, people will go to great lengths to keeps others from sitting too close. Researcher Esther Kim of Yale University “chalked up thousands of miles of bus travel to examine the unspoken rules and behaviors of commuters.”

Here is some of the advice Kim’s fellow passengers gave her for “avoiding others”:

1. Avoid eye contact with other people.
2. Lean against the window and stretch out your legs.
3. Place a large bag on an empty seat.
4. Look out the window with a blank stare to look crazy.
5. Pretend to be asleep.

Thanks, Kim and fellow passengers, for all the tips for keeping strangers away. I’ll admit I’ve done the avoid eye contact thing. I’ll have to pretend to be asleep next time I’m on a bus. Some of these tips will work at the movie theater. Now, if I can only figure out how to translate them to the parking lot, my car and I will have it made.

http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/08/120801093615.htm

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May I Pet Your Dog?

16 Tuesday Apr 2013

Posted by Melissa Kotler Schwartz in Blog Posts

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Anger, Bangs, Bite You, Clown Fish, Composure, Dog, Eating, Employees, Eyeballs, Food, Friend, Girl, Guardian, Hamburger, Life Lessons, melissakotlerschwartz, Mother, Pet Store, Pets, Shoulder, Silence, strangers, strangersihaveknown, Tank

I’m at a pet store with my son looking at a pair of clown fish playing in their tank. One of the employees at the register is chewing on his hamburger as his big, mean, unleashed dog eyeballs me.

The door to the store opens, and a mother with two little girls comes in. The girls are close in age, with long hair and short bangs across their foreheads.

“Hi, Mike,” the woman says to the guy eating the hamburger. “Did you know I bought that hamster that you showed me last week?”

“That’s good, Ronnie,” he says, throwing the rest of his hamburger to his dog.

The dog quickly leaps up and grabs the hamburger. It’s clearly had a lot of practice catching food. Then I see the three-year-old girl reach to pet the dog on its nose while it licks its chops.

“Don’t ever touch a dog when it’s eating! It might bite you,” I screech at her in fear. I repeat myself: “You don’t want to touch a dog when it’s eating, it might bite you.”

The girl stopped. The dog stopped. Mike and Ronnie stopped. All at once, there was a terrible space of stopped silence with strangers. I passed out of that moment into a moment of anger. Why did I have to play this role? Why couldn’t her mother do her job?

I can see that the little girl doesn’t like me. She tightens up her face and glares at me. She is scared. She’s probably wondering, who’s this strange lady that is telling me what to do? Wouldn’t her Mama tell her about dogs that might bite, if dogs really were going to bite her?

Realizing that the teachable moment has passed, I try to regain my composure.

I wonder how many other strangers have alerted this woman to teach her daughter’s life lessons.

I see that my son is at the door, ready to leave. As we walk down the sidewalk, he turns to me and says, “I can’t believe that she didn’t say anything.”

“I can’t believe it either,” I say and put my arm tightly around his shoulder.

http://www.amazon.com/May-Pet-Your-Dog-How/dp/0618510346

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Melissa Kotler Schwartz

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Books I Love

  • Bird by Bird
  • Life Work
  • Mrs. Bridge
  • On Paradise Drive
  • The Greatest of Marlys
  • The Long Loneliness
  • The Merry Recluse
  • What It Is

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  • 100 Strangers Project
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  • Humans of New York
  • Sentimental Value
  • Stachist
  • Wow Women on Writing

Links

  • Welcome the "Other"

Podcasts

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